Friday, 22 October 2010

333 ways to get kicked out of a store

I have lifted this directly from another page, excluding some corrections. I saved it as a text document for later perusal so I don't remember where I got it, but it's fucking funny.

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from another person's cart.
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
3. Slap the person in front of you with a ham.
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!!" 
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other person was trying to take your things.
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, then jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
9. Get a Batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!" (bonus if you have a friend be Robin)
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joe vs. the X-Men.
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them.
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice.
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts.
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in housewares" and see what happens.
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor.
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
22. Open a pack of yugioh! cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation.
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool.
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing just say "I changed my mind."
28. Run around in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like "How come this store is called Wal-mart?", "What's up with your hair?" or "Why do you people wear name tags? Can't you all remember your own names?"
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them.
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out.
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it!" or say "You got chicken legs!"
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food".
39. TP as much of the store as possible.
40. Whenever you hear an announcement fall to the ground sobbing screaming "The voices!!" then get back up & act normal.
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest..." Wait for a reply. After they finish talking hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."
42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke.
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off.
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department.
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom.
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free and see what happens.
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts.
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing "I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night.
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras.
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items. the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand.
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!", if they don't give you anything do the sad puppy dog face.
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by.
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken.
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, that's better."
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them you lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker. When they ask you his name make up a ridiculous name.
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
63. While humming the theme to Mission: Impossible knock over a stack of cans then run away screaming "ABORT! ABORT!"
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again.
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you.
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing.
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy. Spray it on his head.
70. Dress up in a fairy costume and climb up a ladder. When people go by say "Your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"
72. Walk up to someone. Act like you can read their mind & tell them off for bad thoughts.
73. Walk towards a group of people, hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a beautician.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the Friends theme song.
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back and pretend to be dead.
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell. Then go to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you.
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham.
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle.
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
86. Swing on the half price banners.
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you ask what and walk off like you're annoyed.
88. Burp and say "when did I have tacos?"
89. Hold Barbie for ransom.
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart.
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom.
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your Darth Vader mask.
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up.
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming "EARTHQUAKE! EVERYONE RUN!"
98. Find a pair of walkie-talkies and have a conversation with yourself when everyone is watching you.
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices.
100. Grab heavy (but not too heavy) objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
102. Get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to strangers.
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded.
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items.
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love you Mommy!"
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit.
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around.
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend you're having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around.
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy fries. Stand by the door and when people walk through throw the fries above their head like they're getting married.
116. Look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"
117. Get a tent (With holes preferably) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in.
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy Englishman. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. If a little kid comes over wanting to use it start barking at them until they run away crying.
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart
124. Get popcorn and throw it at customers, sneaking up on them in an un-stealthy way while yelling random things.

125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
126. When you're alone have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an Englishman, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just flail your arms and legs around like you're having some kind of massive seizure.
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
132. Light a match under a sprinkler.
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
134. Buy something for $5 and give the cashier all pennies.
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that you're a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.
138. Start singing oldies songs into a megaphone.
139. Hit on the mannequins.
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and tight shirts, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you knock something over subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is the opposite gender from you and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground-angel.
149. Smear ketchup on yourself, go on the counter and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG BIT ME!
150. Start jumping on one of the beds then attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.
152. Ask for dolphin milk.
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people.
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask "Can I have some toilet paper?"
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins. (very risky)
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say "I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again." Then call and say "I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3."
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.
169. Eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.
172. Start playing the violin.
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.
175. Start saying stuff like "argetrargrehargenstartgen" to everyone who walks in.
176. walk around in dirty clothes and eat all the produce like a bum.
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily.
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically.
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug and say "I love you!"
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff.
185. Start a fire, sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.
186. Walk around in a court jester costume.
187. Run at people with a pitch fork
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack.
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them.
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale in aisle two."
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people.
193. Claim isle three as your "Secret Lair"
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day.
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals.
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera.
198. Yell curse words at people in a foreign language.
199. Knock down as many displays as you can.
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people.
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and chalenge him to a fight, when he pushes back start to cry and run away.
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle.
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces.
206. Throw a pokeball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.
211. Start singing, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does not land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart.
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"
216. Go to the pet aisle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock.
217. Tap dance through the store.
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican.
219. Rip open every package you see.
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically).
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the G.I. Joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.
230. Grab a Strawberry Shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target.
233. Throw a party in a busy aisle.
234. Test-drive lawn mowers.
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store.
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around.
237. Carry a toy bomb and make it explode.
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it.
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager.
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by.
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices.
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their badge. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers.
246. Steal a shopping cart (Take it out of the store and put it in your car)
247. Ride on the back of the carts. Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them every so often. When they snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it.
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda.
253. Run around with a bowl of Cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"
254. Order a pizza from the cashier.
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred.
256. Start a food fight.
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you.
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt.
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
262. Flip off the manager.
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too.
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN! THIEF!"
265. Bring a slip n' slide, blast some music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ-OUSE!!!!!!!"
266. Throw a dance party.
267. Write on the floors.
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them or pretend to faint.
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips. Keep screaming it.
272. Spray a customer with pepper-spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.
277. Take red juice, pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand. When a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when you're checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase.
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra.
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.
282. Go in Target, say there is a code yellow.
283. Get some candy-corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting people's necks.
284. Flirt with the manager's wife.
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when you see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman. Works for any musician.
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil.
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"
288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding.
289. Go up to an employee, ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in.
290. Get an obvious water-gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "I'M NOT FOR SALE!"
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been Punk'd!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the Barbies, etc...)
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"
297. Point at an old man and yell "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint.
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas.
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey.
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar.
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a 
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 

307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 

314. Go up to a lady, when there are lots of people around ask "Mommy? Can I have some ice cream?"
315. Spit in the manager's face.
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad.
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat valet guy stole my car."
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt.
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles.
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, smile at people.
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance.
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!!